Category: Uncategorized

More ex JW Thoughts

I’d taken a long break from ex-JW content on YouTube until very recently.  I just watched part of a video that’s been removed about a young teen, 16 year old girl in the religion who just tried to end her life after other previous attempts.  Imagine that you work two jobs from the time of a child and your parents just cannot talk to you about anything other than doing more. Her older brother was just disfellowshipped and banned from communicating with her during this time. Allegedly.

I remember not caring what happened to me as I was leaving the religion.  I’d just accepted that people don’t care what happens to you.  People that you thought all this time cared a little.  Just a little.  With all the talk, all the talks, all the practicing, just a little.  That makes it very difficult to function with that level of emotional confusion right in your own home. You just want somewhere to collapse and you don’t have the energy to care where, really.

Do you not grasp the concept of tired?  People who don’t go to the meetings are already tired from working their job, getting to and from it, and caring for themselves.  This is a double job.  Are you not exhausted? 

Does not compute.  One of the great mind fucks of human history.

Whatever you explain from literature and the bible doesn’t compute to my chest and my heart quite literally.  Why you confuse inhumane behavior and righteousness is beyond my comprehension as well.  So we are divided in perspective. 

If someone asks if I’m religious I love to say nah, I don’t gangbang.  Anytime you feel you have texts that a certain group of people over there shouldn’t really breathe, you wildin for real.  And I get that humanity has been wildin for a good while.  Cutting dudes’ foreskins off and girls’ clits off, selling kids, all type of wild shit.  It gotta go though.  And don’t wonder why it has to go.  Don’t expect people to be happy to participate in this nonsense torture that you call worship. 

It’s very nonaccepting and I know previous generations don’t give a damn.  But generations after don’t give a fuck about a fake ass religion that’s just an abusive relationship.  So we are two parties not giving a fuck but I ain’t coming to your mf home, sanctuary, safe space, stranger danger. 

Why? Just Why?

Why be mediocre when you can be you? Why feel like anything other than the Brilliantly-Crafted Being that you are? Why not celebrate yourself right now, today, as you are? Why wait for the misguided to get a clue about you when they don’t even know the half, and couldn’t handle the rest if they tried? Why wait to accept that you are everything? If you got problems, you got solutions too. Put the U in Genius! I know it’s corny, but I’m very secure in my corny-ness. Get on your level.

A Healthy Dose of Trolling

I’ve been demanding answers lately. From myself. From my own soul. My distraction of choice for the past few years has been YouTube. So, sometime last year, I buy a fresh pair of iPhone headphones. (with the cord, because I’d lose a pod, and I’m an old lady- still a genius though.) I know for sure I had them less than a month and somehow, they get burned and melted. Tragic. I’m not only annoyed, but shocked and also kinda cheap and stubborn at times. So I’ve been walking around without headphones ever since, refusing to replace them so soon after buying. So, that means every time I leave the house, my own dark human thoughts come rushing out at me wanting hella smoke.

This kinda smoke is good for me though. Evidently I wanted it too, just walking around the city with no distractions unlike the average Millenial. One peaceful quiet evening, on the way to the grocery store in my neighborhood, I just asked myself because I had nothing better to think about along the way, “Whyyyyyy? Why do you wish bad things on yourself? Why do you always think something really bad is going to happen to you? I demand answers!” Yes I was fed up with myself, and I didn’t care who was watching lol. I think I was on the way home when I got the answer. Cringe warning—

Be-Cause I’m a disappointment!!!!

That escalated quickly on the way to the grocery store for who even knows what, at this point. Damn, I didn’t know I really felt that way for real. How quickly some of us forget how we’ve been really walking around feeling….For decades! Going to work, doing adult stuff, entering relationships! Feeling like we’re a walking disappointment or a disappointment waiting to happen in someone else’s life.

Actually, the first two paragraphs of this post are from, maybe 2022. Yeah, now it’s 2025. I still have no headphones, and I still have questions. I actually don’t feel like a disappointment anymore. I’m very proud of myself, actually. As much time as I’ve spent away from posting on this site, I actually like what I’ve written in the past.

I returned thinking I’d be cringing all over the place, but I actually really dig me. All this facing of myself, my true self has done me some good, and I’ve actually made progress in cleaning up my thoughts and being honest with myself, instead of letting some ancient distorted view of myself just hang out heckling me for the rest of my life. I’m back, more Genius than ever.

So what about you? Have you faced any hecklers living rent-free in your mind lately?

It is Written! Well, if You Actually Write it.

You wanna start writing? Anything. Anything at all. Books, journals, songs, stories, comics, write yourself into a better situation in general. I don’t know. Whatever you’re into. I used to not be able to write anything unless I was pissed off. Then I’d just let my thoughts fly. But honestly, it’s a little-known fact that one day I’d like to write a cartoon or comic strip. I just don’t feel I’ve opened my mind up enough yet. Can you relate? So many ideas, so little organization.

I love this thing I’m doing more often, where I accept myself just where I am. I read a piece of a book lol. Yes, a piece. This was almost ten years ago. It was a very helpful piece. The book, The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron, has been around for over 20 years. The start of the book (the only portion I really read), encouraged writing daily no matter what. No matter what means literally if you write “blah, blah, blah, I have nothing to write today,” you better get to writing that on your pages. The author suggests writing five pages a day. That’s just where I started. It’s very easy to do since there’s no pressure whatsoever about what exactly you choose to write. I’ve been filling journal after journal ever since. I really should get back to reading the rest of the book. However, just that part alone changed my life.

I started scripting everything I’d like to experience in my life. If you sometimes have issues just sitting and visualizing a better life for yourself, scripting may help you, like it helped me. I write as if I am experiencing the awesome event or living in full satisfaction and progress in life. I write about how happy and greatfull (yes, I misspell some words on purpose in my scripts because it’s my world.) I am to be enjoying the experience. I write details, about how I feel, what I see, and what effect it has on me as a person.

Maybe I’m not the best writer I can be yet, but who cares? I’m better than I was. I’m better than when I’m letting all of my thoughts swirl and fester in unnecessary judgment forever like something bad will happen if I put them down on paper and burn them, read them, send them into the wind, or share them with the world. Just write something. A feeling, a joke, a letter, a lie. What’s the worse that could happen? I’m not gonna obsess about this post that’s been sitting in the draft box for a year with only a title. Just gonna publish it. Not the end of the world.

I try to lose a piece of my mind that doesn’t serve me, every day. It frees me up so my “inner child” doesn’t have to be so “inner” all the time. She, this child, is true and triumphant. 👑 She is the Wild Genius. 👑 Sometimes staying incognito or in solitude so she can remain untamed. She does not expect others to bow to her. She is content as she bows to herself.🐛🦋🤓👑