I’ve been demanding answers lately. From myself. From my own soul. My distraction of choice for the past few years has been YouTube. So, sometime last year, I buy a fresh pair of iPhone headphones. (with the cord, because I’d lose a pod, and I’m an old lady- still a genius though.) I know for sure I had them less than a month and somehow, they get burned and melted. Tragic. I’m not only annoyed, but shocked and also kinda cheap and stubborn at times. So I’ve been walking around without headphones ever since, refusing to replace them so soon after buying. So, that means every time I leave the house, my own dark human thoughts come rushing out at me wanting hella smoke.

This kinda smoke is good for me though. Evidently I wanted it too, just walking around the city with no distractions unlike the average Millenial. One peaceful quiet evening, on the way to the grocery store in my neighborhood, I just asked myself because I had nothing better to think about along the way, “Whyyyyyy? Why do you wish bad things on yourself? Why do you always think something really bad is going to happen to you? I demand answers!” Yes I was fed up with myself, and I didn’t care who was watching lol. I think I was on the way home when I got the answer. Cringe warning—

Be-Cause I’m a disappointment!!!!

That escalated quickly on the way to the grocery store for who even knows what, at this point. Damn, I didn’t know I really felt that way for real. How quickly some of us forget how we’ve been really walking around feeling….For decades! Going to work, doing adult stuff, entering relationships! Feeling like we’re a walking disappointment or a disappointment waiting to happen in someone else’s life.

Actually, the first two paragraphs of this post are from, maybe 2022. Yeah, now it’s 2025. I still have no headphones, and I still have questions. I actually don’t feel like a disappointment anymore. I’m very proud of myself, actually. As much time as I’ve spent away from posting on this site, I actually like what I’ve written in the past.

I returned thinking I’d be cringing all over the place, but I actually really dig me. All this facing of myself, my true self has done me some good, and I’ve actually made progress in cleaning up my thoughts and being honest with myself, instead of letting some ancient distorted view of myself just hang out heckling me for the rest of my life. I’m back, more Genius than ever.

So what about you? Have you faced any hecklers living rent-free in your mind lately?